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Tuesday, November 8, 2011

President Obama Announces Dept. of Mind-Reading and Social Justice

By Rick Pearcey • November 8, 2011, 01:15 PM

According to White House spokesman Jay Carney, "The president feels that, given the crisis of sexual harassment in America, as exemplified by now the 5th woman to come forward with allegations of sexual harassment against GOP presidential hopeful Herman Cain, something must be done now so that the elections of 2012 can be fair and balanced, so that the will of the American people is respected."

The White House press secretary also said, "The president also feels that the people of the Americas have waited far too long for a Cabinet-level office to address this crisis. And that, now, finally, with a Department of Mind-Reading and Social Justice, hard-working indiviudals and cooperatives will be able to save time and money and know for sure who really is committing sexual harassment, which disproportionately impacts women, minorities, and children."

Carney also said, "This new, forward-looking Department of Mind-Reading and Social Justice will also aim to protect freedom and liberty by utilizing non-profiling behaviors and genetic resources to determine who is in a state of pre-sexual harassment and thus an appropriate candidate for responsible crisis intervention by loving family members and by sensitive, licensed practitioners of social justice from a diversity of religious voices."

Finally, said Carney, "The Federal Accounting Service has scored the new plan and has concluded that savings in court costs generated from investments in this new department alone will help provide sorely needed funds for budget neutrality, not to mention an infusion of newly balanced former sexual harassers, to address the concerns of global warming, energy independence, and equality among all organic and inorganic families of this great planet that we call home."